A different way of dealing with conflict

Conflict is a normal part of relationships. It doesn't necessarily mean that a relationship has failed or that somebody has done something wrong.

But conflict can become incredibly tiring. Conversations go around in circles. Small disagreements become bigger ones. People stop listening because they are already preparing their response. Or perhaps communication stops altogether.

This is where mediation can help.

Mediation creates a structured, confidential space in which everyone has the opportunity to explain what is important to them, to listen to the other person and to begin looking at the situation differently.

I won't tell you who is right or who is wrong, and I won't make decisions for you. Instead, I help to slow the conversation down, identify what is really causing difficulty and make sure that each person has the opportunity to be heard.

From there, we can begin looking for practical ways forward.

My approach

Before becoming a mediator, I worked in social work. That experience has had a strong influence on the way I approach conflict today.

I have worked with people and families dealing with difficult situations, competing needs, strong emotions and decisions that don't always have an obvious answer. One thing I learned from that work is that people's behaviour usually makes much more sense once we understand what is happening from their perspective.

That doesn't mean that we have to agree with one another.

But understanding why somebody sees a situation differently can completely change the conversation.

For me, mediation is therefore not simply about reaching an agreement. It is also about creating the conditions in which people can communicate differently, understand what matters to each other and make their own informed decisions about what happens next.

Sometimes that leads to a concrete agreement. Sometimes it leads to clearer boundaries or a better way of communicating. And sometimes simply having a difficult conversation in a different way can be an important first step.

Mediation and conflict coaching

Mediation usually involves two or more people who want help addressing a conflict together.

However, that isn't always possible.

You may be dealing with a difficult relationship or conflict where the other person doesn't want to take part in mediation. You may want to prepare for an important conversation, understand why a particular conflict keeps happening, or think about how you could respond differently.

In these situations, I also offer individual conflict coaching.

The aim isn't to tell you what to do. It is to give you the time and space to look carefully at what is happening, understand the dynamics of the conflict and consider what options you have.

English, German – or both

I am originally from the UK and have lived in Berlin for many years. I work in both English and German and am very comfortable working with international and multilingual families and couples.

Sessions can take place entirely in English, entirely in German, or move between the two languages.

For some couples and families this can be particularly helpful. You don't necessarily have to discuss something personal or emotional in the language that happens to be the shared language of the relationship. Each person should be able to express themselves in the language in which they feel most comfortable.